堅持信靠的Brian's Blog

I discovered that each day I write less and less. This is partially because I do less and less each day, but it's also partially because, life is boring when nothing's wrong with it. But that's not to say, life needs to have problems in order to be interesting. Sometimes we just need a little color in it. Other times, we just need to relax and enjoy the quietness.
In my daily devotions today, the topic was about God's perfect timing. It said that sometimes, His perfect timing doesn't really feel perfect. This I agree to completely. Like, if God can do anything, why doesn't he just clap his hands and poof, I'm healed of leukemia, once and for all, never to hear of disease again. But then of course I wouldn't have learned anything, and I'd still be racing through every day, never bothering to slow down and actually enjoy the day. This might explain why I was so miserable before. But now I realize that God has a purpose in allowing leukemia to take over my body. I can think of several reasons why God would do this, and several others what it would accomplish.
First, it was an answer to my prayer from a looooong time ago. Not many of you know this story, but, seeing so many guest speakers come to our church and give their testimony, I actually asked for God to give me a testimony. What I had in mind at the time was for God to let me witness a miracle or something. Never, in my wildest dreams, had I ever imagined that I would be the miracle I would witness. And believe me, I can dream some pretty fantastical dreams.
Second, much of the feedback I get from writing these daily updates are about how I am such an inspiration to them. Now when I write these, I never think of the reception that they get, I only use these pages as my diary, so to speak.
Third, I believe that God is using this to make my life a better testimony. When I went home this April, many people noted how different I was (in a good way) from before. There were comments about how I smiled a lot more than before, and one person asked if my brain was affected by the disease (I don't think he was kidding). Well, yes, my brain was affected, but I don't think it was from leukemia. I believe it was touched by God, to allow me to see the lighter side of things. Of course, sometimes the old me will slip through, but I'm still working on fixing that.
Indeed, God has perfect timing. While we may not see it now, years from now we'll look back and understand completely. This is what I'm hoping God will do with my relapse, let me understand why now, of all times.
Frequently the richest answers are not the speediest. . . . A prayer may be all the longer on its voyage because it is bringing us a heavier freight of blessing. -Charles Spurgeon

Today, I have two people in my prayers. Well, several, but there are two at the top of my list. The first is Justin, the 1-year-old boy in my old room. Pray that his chemo can be very successful in destroying all the cancer cells in his body. Second is a boy called Jake. I've never met him before, but my mom knows his dad. Jake has the same exact type of leukemia as me (AML leukemia) and been through everything that I've been through, before I went through them. the only difference is, they have yet to find a match for his bone marrow transplant procedure. Pray that his family will find a matching donor for his BMT procedure.

Brian